Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Survival of the First Years...

University is a difficult time for most individuals; the reading, the classes, the deadlines and the constant reminder that you are slowly yet at the same time quickly becoming a fully functional adult, but for some it is more difficult that you'd at first expect and a lot of the time these people play it down. I, unfortunately, am one of those people. You see, I have many issues when it comes to university in general from attendance to the completion of assignments to the people that surround me in my classes. I suffer from slight social anxiety disorder, which is the persisting overwhelming of social situations, and honestly is a really common disorder, especially amongst millennials. This 'disorder' prevents me from participating in a lot of things that I would ordinarily enjoy doing such as; visiting bars. The very idea of going into a busy nightclub makes me want to break down, but as someone who doesn't drink alcohol it's something I can deal with, however, another one of the things I find almost impossible to do is talk with someone I am not familiar with on the telephone. For example, a few weeks ago I forgot my account password for the online store Boots.com (a store which sells the likes of cosmetics in the United Kingdom) and so I had to call the customer service centre in order to confirm that it was, in fact, me trying to gain access and not a hacker, which is standard customs, however, before having to make the call which literally took 1 minute and 24 seconds to get done I had an hour long panic attack session, in which I cried... a lot. To most people it doesn't make sense, my mother and brother don't understand it and I've lived with them whilst being like this for many years, so for someone who has not really come into contact with this situation before it is completely bewildering. This thing I like to call my issue, as i don't particularly enjoy calling it a disorder, for some reason when someone does say that to me it seems ridiculous as how can something you've lived with for a major part of your 19 going on 20 years of life be a disorder, it more so becomes part of you and is essentially part of your existence. But when it comes to university it becomes more than just an issue it becomes a major problem.
There have been multiple occasions where I have purely skipped out on the classes I'm paying around £9,000 per year to attend because I simply cannot face the idea of walking into a room full of people and what is even weirder is that I hate seminars more than lectures. You see when it comes to seminars I see them as more personal. You're sat in a room filled with a maximum of 30 people, of all ages. To me, that is 30 people who can see every issue I have, every flaw up close and personal. Whereas in a lecture there are hundreds of people and to them, I am just another person to fill up the chairs, I don't see them as scrutinising me because just there, like an extra in your favourite TV show. Each and every single lecture, and each and every single seminar is a struggle but each time I attend one I get that little bit more confident within myself. Then, however, it comes to a time where I'll be ill and it starts all over again. My first year at university was one of discovery, but not in a good way. You see many people say that university is the best years of their lives, but I don't think they have to deal with the social issues that many others, myself included, have to deal with. They don't have to walk into the seminar room and worry that the girl at the far left of the room with the danish braid is staring at you and not because she's admiring your the 1975 shirt. Most people don't have the thoughts that they definitely do not belong in that room because they're not smart enough (even though they, like everyone else in that room got into the university because of their intellect).
I got through my first year at university by the skin of my teeth and it is something that I will never admit to anyone. It's not because I wasn't doing good enough in the grade department because my grade book will show my average of 68% in assignments (taking into account 69% is a first) but because i was not mentally strong enough to cope with everything. Of course, there are external factors which affected my performance within the university as there are for many people, my uncle's passing, coming down with chicken pox, my step-father's brief institutionalisation and suicide attempt.
I am thankfully in my second year now. As trivial as it sounds it was a struggle to get here and I am still struggling with this year, after only attending 3 out of around 30 seminars within my first sememster but i do aim to improve on that this coming semester, it's going to be difficult but i know that if i try at least i have that to defend my mentality.
SAD, as it is abbreviated to does not necessarily affect everything, it can affect anything but not everything. There are good days, those days where you can leave the house and spend all day hanging out with the people you know and trust but there will always be aspects which frighten you, meeting someone new for the first time or going to a new place and you don't know where it is, but in those good days there is always some way to overcome that situation and take it without freaking out the way you usually do, or at least this is how it is for me.
I would just like to mention to anyone reading this, if you like I suffer from mental disorders which are holding you back from achieving your dreams and aspirations in life, there are always methods of keeping it under control, there are medicines and therapy that can aid you but ultimately it is to you to help yourself before you can overcome or learn to live with whatever is stopping you. I would never tell you that you can always overcome a disorder because that's simply not true but you can pass it, you can learn to cope with it and in some cases yes, you can overcome it but you need to be willing to make the changes you need in order to do so and that all in all comes down to the individual.
As someone who is reaching their 20th year of life, I feel like I have enough experience in some departments, especially when it comes to education to give some advice, and that advice is; never put anything before your health, whether it is physical, emotional or mental your health is THE most important thing and should come before anything else no matter what.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed.
Have a good New Year and my best wishes for 2017.
Follow the links below to get in touch with me and keep up with my latest shenanigans.

Thursday, 28 April 2016

10 Tips for surviving Sixth Form/College

I've seen so many blog posts and vlogs about surviving school but here in the UK we have sixth form or sometimes referred to as college, which are the last two years of mandatory education and when you're so close to the finish line it's honestly so difficult to carry onto the end of the line. So, i decided that as a follow up to my 11 tips i've accumulated i'd create a post about surviving sixth form/college with ten easy tips, many of them will be replicas of the tips i've already told you all about in the aforementioned post. So, without further adieu we shall begin.
1. Do homework on time; I don't know how much I'll say this but in 100% honesty I regret not handing my homework in when it was due. The majority of the time I did but those times I didn't it plagued my mind so much and I felt like such a bitch for not doing it. Also, no one wants teachers on their back constantly asking for the work you've missed or having marks on their student profile because in some sixth forms and colleges this can happen.
2. Don't procrastinate; depending on the type of person you are, however, procrastinating is generally a really bad thing and I would try and not do it.
3. Spend time with your friends. Nothing is worse than when you're snowed under with school, and maybe even a part time job and you haven't seen your friends in what feels like forever. Sometimes it's better to put things aside for a couple of hours and spend some time with the people you enjoy spending time with. Just because you see them in school doesn't mean you can't see them in your own time in a place you want to be in.
4. Turn up to classes. Some sixth forms / college's are quite open and allow people to leave during the day if they have free periods however, that doesn't mean you can leave and not come back for your next lesson. Turning up to class is vital to get through exams and course work projects. Sometimes, and this is rare you can even enjoy the class when you know what you're doing. Although, don't tell my teachers that.
5. Have a little you time, yes i understand that juggling school, homework, a job? and my recommendation of a social life is difficult without throwing in personal time but everyone needs time to themselves where they can just have 15 minutes where they sit and do nothing. But as advised previously don't procrastinate. These 15 minutes could be you doing anything, stick on your favourite Vinyl record, or read a book that you don't have to. Eat a bag of M&M's whilst staring into space, just give yourself a little time each day where you don't even have to look at a single face. Trust me you'll benefit from it.
6. Actually sleep. See if you balance everything well enough, you should be able to get some sleep. Sleep is vital to your health, everyone needs at least 8 hours of sleep when you're 16-18. Sleeping for this amount of time can reduce risk in mental as well as physical health issues and believe me i wish  i was more clued in on this when i was at sixth form, as it would have saved me a lot of agro.
7. Don't block everything out. Freezing is the worst possible thing to do when under school pressure, if you keep yourself on the ball then you shouldn't have a problem but if you do end up trailing behind a tad then that's okay, it happens. Just make sure that you don't just stop, keep going and eventually things will work out and you'll be back on track to getting great grades.
8. If you make mistakes then it's okay. You're only human you're allowed to make mistakes, it's natural. Just try your best to fix them, get back on track and walk away smiling and happy because you know you've helped yourself with a tricky situation. Mistakes always happen, it's whether you learn from those mistakes that really matter. Make sure you don't make the same ones over and over because then it's not a mistake it something that is wrong.
9. When you're in sixth form it's an age when you're quite touchy. 16-18 is generally the age when you're kind of sorted into what you're going to do with the rest of your life, what with university course choices or apprenticeships etc. But at the same time people go through a lot, it's when friends break up or make up, it's when you're legally allowed to do a lot of stuff you've never been able to and it's when a lot of people make some seriously bad decisions. Just because your friends are doing something doesn't mean you have to. If you don't want to try a cigarette you don't have to, if you don't want to get mortal on a school night, don't and always say no to recreational drugs. The ages of 16 to 18 are when a persons brain is most likely to develop depression and with the introduction of hardcore substances such as cocaine and even more soft core such as marijuana you are more likely to develop depression and steep into a downward spiral in your mental health status and that is never a good choice.
10. Do something you know you'll enjoy! I chose a subject i was entering blindly into and thankfully for me I ended up loving it and am now taking it as part of my combined subjects degree, however, i know many people who have entered into courses where they aren't happy in and have subsequently missed classes, failed exams etc. Doing something you want to do and know you'll enjoy just ensures that you'll do better in the long haul and you'll be more likely to get to do what you want to do after your years in sixth form / college.

So that was my top ten tips for surviving sixth form/ college. I really hope that this helps some of you, i know when i was just about to go on into sixth form i could have used some of these tips to help me get through my time. Just remember that in the long haul it's totally worth it. These years of your life are the most memorable so have fun and make friends, make memories that you can cherish for the rest of your lives and if you make mistakes don't worry, next time will be so much easier. I promise, and to those who will be starting university soon, good luck and hopefully i'll have some top tips for you before you start.

Thank you all very much for reading and i hope to be back up and making posts regularly pretty soon.

Tumblr - this is the link to my new tumblr, where i will be posting things like this on, i've had it a while and just decided to get back into using it. You'll find some things already on there if you're interested in looking. My old tumblr, the fan account one is still up and i do still use it however, i feel like something more similar to this is what is needed. My older posts on here will still have the link to my old one but from this post out i will be linking to the new one called tea-and-talk.

Monday, 2 November 2015

Growing Up or Grown Up...?

Something that has been poignant within my life for a while is the thought and the concept of growing up. Recently i attended a comedy gig of Geordie funny man Chris Ramsey which was actually entitled 'All Growed Up' which despite the terrible grammar really spiked me into thinking about growing up. A main theme within his stand-up was when do we really know when we've grown up? Honestly, neither he nor i have an answer to that. So naturally i turned to my friends for help and surprisingly they didn't come out with bogus and stupid ideas, for example, Matthew, my only male friend, said; "I don't think you know (when you grow up) because it happens so gradually, like other people would see it but because you're yourself every day so you naturally don't notice the change... Like I know I'm more grown up than I was a year ago but I don't feel like it all the time. Like people think you're young until you hit 18 and then suddenly you grow up but you never stop growing up really, do you?" and as a response to the question 'Do you think you're all grown up' he replied; "Nope, I mean I've started growing up but it takes years. Decades even." The answer in itself seems insanely profound but it's understandable and relatable. See it's a question that no one really knows the answer too, because maybe it's one of those personal things, where everyone has their own perception of what the definition is and when it begins or how it begins.
I think one of the most defining moments of being grown up or at least realising for me that I was in the process of growing up was when i realised that coffee and energy drinks weren't just a 'drink for fun' kind of drink they were a necessity for my everyday life, because without them i'd fall asleep during a lesson or now-a-days a lecture. Things like this are why everyday you expect to feel more adult, more 'grown up' but in reality it's not a constant, it's more of a spurt out of no where, where you notice the change, you notice a quality that you previously would've only seen in people older and more mature. The other day i sat worrying if my student finance would see me through the semester, this alone is something i once only saw as being that typical 'grown up' thing to do, so does that mean i am a grown up? No, because what about all the other aspects of life. I still live with my parents, i depend on my mum for my washing, ironing etc. I get my best friend to dye my hair and i spend money on frivolous things like cookies and Irn Bru. So, is there a criteria to being grown up? Perhaps, i mean if i look at someone and they don't tick all the metaphorical boxes i have i don't really see them as a grown up. If they're under a certain age even if they do tick every other box i still don't see them as a grown up. Therefore, that must mean there's a difference between being an adult and being a grown up.
This has been quite a short post but it's something that i hold quite close to me what with growing up being quite a poignant aspect within life at this current time.

Thank you all very much for reading and i hope you enjoyed my little review and breakdown and maybe you check out her music and here is how you can get in touch with me if you ever want or need to.

P.S. I will be posting a review / lyric breakdown of 5 Seconds of Summer's 'Sounds Good Feels Good (Deluxe)' album which was released on 23rd October 2015 next week (hopefully) so look out for that.

Friday, 18 September 2015

The end of the beginning and the beginning of the end... and a little update.

This week was the start of my new life as a full time University student. As many of you know from my multiple posts about myself i'm naturally nervous and this week was no different, well it was actually, my nerves were worse that ever before. This week started off with me having to go to registration and enrolment, both of which i'd done online meaning all i had to do for the day was go and get my free travel pass, which has an insanely embarrassing photo of me, which is the most up-to-date picture i have of myself. Of course, the week started off in typical me fashion, as i didn't have the freshers subject specific timetable, therefore meaning that i had no idea where i was going and resulting in me missing my first load of talks, which incidentally were one of the most important as we were to find out whom our personal tutors were, something i'm still to find out even now. However, Tuesday went better as i received my real timetable as well going to my subject specific talk and choosing my course modules. Which took little time and meant i was waiting around for a while but i honestly didn't mind that as i was able to find my way around the city. Wednesday i didn't do anything as there was nothing scheduled accept the completion of the work i'd done the day before meaning i thankfully had the day off as i was already completely tired from the previous two days. Thursday was much like Wednesday accept i did have to get a form signed from the head of my department, otherwise known as the faculty of education and society. Unfortunately however, they weren't available so i went home without the form signed. Friday, today, I had the final introductory meetings with the staff and students that will be with me during my course. A lot of information was given during the space of the hour but honestly, i feel really positive about university, i mean i'll be in tens of thousands of pounds debt but i feel as though i's going to be okay. The reason i called this post the end of the beginning and the beginning of the end is because university is the beginning of the end of education but at the same time this week is the end of the beginning of my university life, as of Monday i will no longer be a 'fresher' i'll be a first year student to a further educational institution and that makes me happy. I suppose you could also say this is the end of an end too, as it's showing that I'm no longer the child i once was, i'm not going back to primary school or secondary school or even sixth form. I'm 18 at university and in a mere three years i'll be a graduate looking for a job in the bog bad world.

So, as i mentioned i started uni but alongside the start of uni is also my student finance and i am happy to announce that thanks to the government ( at the one thing you've ever done right) i have now joined the righteous group of macbook owners. I bought a macbook air and this is my first post written on it, which i'm sadly excited about. Also i did my favourite thing ever, STATIONARY SHOPPING, where i got the deal of a life time i.e. i got a pack of 20 sharpie pens which should've been £20 but was in fact £8.99 which i was ridiculously excited about. Also, on Tuesday me and my friend Emily met up and had a nice McDonald's lunch together, which is something we haven't done in a while and was nice as we got to catch up over the stuff we'd been doing all day and all the things that we had planned for the week as well as gawping over our campus ID's and how my face look corrugated in the photo. Like i said it was nice to have that time to just hang out. So that's my little update for this week, i've decided to try and update often with things about my course as a perhaps window into everything as well as help for people who may think about doing the same course as me when they go to university. Thank you for reading and i hope you all have a wonderful day/week.

Monday, 24 August 2015

Eleven Tips I've accumulated.

So, recently i spent a lot of time looking back and thinking about all the things that have gone both wrong and right in my 18 years of life, and eventually decided to put my mishaps and my successes to good use and create ten top tips for my peers and perhaps even some superiors.

1. If you don't feel good about it, DON'T DO IT. No matter what it is it's not going to be good if you don't feel right about it, whether it's something like going to the park or if it's something like having sex. It doesn't matter how pitiful or how major the thing is. If you change your mind that's fine, just remember that it's your choice, don't feel peer pressured into doing something.

2. Use your time productively, i know this is easier to say than to do, but trust me as someone who barely scraped into University being productive is something i wish i had been. Yes, take down time, watch a movie, go crazy and hang with your friends but don't do it too often and make sure your homework is completed before you do. You'll instantly regret it if you don't. Procrastination is all fine and well but when you realise that the piece of work you put off doing would've been really helpful for the test you're having you'll regret it wholeheartedly.

3. Listen to your parents. This is one of the most cliche things to say but really, you'll thank me later on in life. Parents always have good advice from who you're dating to who your friends should be. I know i made a huge mistake with one of my friends when i was younger and my parents knew it was wrong but i still went and did it, now looking back i really wish i'd taken their advice and saved myself a whole load of time. Older siblings are also really good with this kind of thing, especially when it comes to school. Don't pass up free advice just because you don't think it's necessary at that time because at some point sooner or later it will be necessary.

4. Be who you are, even if you don't think others would be comfortable with it. I don't pretend to know how people who are still yet to come as as being homosexual, or transsexual etc. feel but i do know that i'd rather see the true person than the person who they're pretending to be and masking themselves behind. If a person cannot handle the true you then you shouldn't have to handle them.

5. You won't always get everything you want. Unless your parents are extremely rich there's a high chance that you won't get everything you want. You want a laptop, camera, phone and clothes for Christmas? You might get three out of the four. Circumstances change, and unfortunately modern times have led to more redundancies and 'laying offs' than ever before meaning there's more chance of your mother or father no longer being able to keep their job, or if you have a job there is a possibility that you'll lose it. Like my mum has told me since i can't remember how long ago "Money doesn't grow on trees".

6. Tell your friends and family you appreciate them and love them every so often. Growing up i realise i never told the people i cared about that i was appreciative of them being there for me, i didn't tell my family i loved them and i definitely didn't tell my friends i loved them. When i got a new and better lot of friends i realised that this was wrong, and now i tell them and my family i love them on a regular basis. Which probably sounds ridiculous and clingy but you need to let people know that value and cherish the people in your life, and that they do mean the world to you, because good friends always should.

7. Bathe. I've gone through what feels like a centuries worth of mandatory education and in every year there has always been someone who smells like they haven't bathed in a while, and while i don't like to offend or point it out it's not pleasant for people around them. So try not to be that person and well... wash, at least three times a week.

8. Don't take advantage. Things that you expect to come to you, the food you eat, the shelter you'r living in and the water you drink, should never be taken advantage of. Others don't have these things and the fact that for so many years before i would almost exploit these simple things makes me hate myself that little bit more. Possessions, are just one of the things you shouldn't take advantage of, people are the second. It disgusts me that there are people in this world who take advantage of others. Just don't do it. Appreciate the little things in life, from the new album you bought to the voice your mother uses when she tells you to get to bed, there's a chance that at some point they won't be there one day.

9. Try and make time. There's no such thing as a 'too busy' schedule. I have a friend who spends hours and hours every day after sixth form doing different clubs and classes and still manages to text me back or Facebook message me. Social Media was invented so that people could keep in touch with one another when they can't be face to face. However, it isn't an excuse to never go and see your friends or family. You should always at least try and see the people you love. They'd do the same for you. I don't mean 'try' i mean try. There's no reason why you can't set aside five minutes in a day to face time or Skype or message your friends/family.

10. Laugh. Laughing is as they say 'the best medicine'. It can get people through the worst of times and encourages some of the best of times. It produces endorphin's that are known for the happiness you feel and that's what people need. Happiness. Many people go through periods of time where they feel distressed, depressed and over all unhappy. Many people feel it for longer than others and are in fact diagnosed with mental conditions, such as depression because of the lack of happiness. But laughing helps, or at least that's what is thought to help. Everyone in this world deserves happiness, even the worst of people should at least be a little happy. It's a human right, it's a necessity of life.

11. Ignore people who can't accept you as who you are. There will always be people around who cannot accept who you are or as they are more commonly known 'haters'. Don't let them get you down and definitely don't let them change you into their ideals. Society is fraught with people who expect a certain look and attitude from people and drags down those who don't conform to that. People who are different to the social norm are looked at in a negative light and it doesn't help people be more positive about their life and how they chose or don't chose to live it.

Extra special number 12. Talk to people. You wouldn't know how many times I've gone through something on my own that I've really struggled with and thought i should talk to someone, from being bullied to my own self-harming problem. But i didn't, well in the case of my self-harming  not for a while, but once i was able to talk to someone i felt better, stronger and i think it's what is helping me to stop, to carry on without something i needed. People are always prepared to talk to you, whether it's a family member, a friend or just a stranger in the street. People want to help.
Below I've posted the websites and in some cases numbers to helplines, to services which can help in specific categories. Keep them, you never know when you or someone you know will need them.

Family Problems:
Family Lives
Support Line
Get Connected
Elder Wisdom Circle

United Kingdom - 08457-90-90-90
America - 1800-7848-433
Ireland - 44-0-8457-90-90-90
Canada - 519-416-486-2242
Spain - 91-459-00-50
Mexico - 525-510-2550
France - 01-45-39-4000
Germany - 0800-181-0721
China - 852-2382-0000
Russia - 8-20-222-82-10
Poland - 52-70-000
Denmark - 70-201-201
Finland - 040-5032-199
Norway - 47-815-33-3000
New Zealand - 4-473-9739
Sweden- 031-711-2400
South Africa - 0981-322-322
Thailand - 02-249-9977
Switzerland - 143
Brazil - 21-233-9191
Italy - 06-705-4444
India - 92-22-307-3451
Egypt - 7621602
Holland - 0900-0767
Japan - 3-5286-90-90
Philippines - 02-896-9-91
Cyprus - 357-77-77-72-67
Argentina - 54-0223-493-0430

Grief Support:
America- 1-650-321-5272
United Kingdom - 0800-9177-416

Sexuality Support:
Support Line
America - 1-800-246-7743
United Kingdom - 01708-7565200
LLGS - United Kingdom - 0300-330-0630

Eating Disorders:
America - 7-847-831-3438
United Kingdom - 01494 793223
Men Get Eating Disorders Too
Young Minds
Overeaters Anonymous

Sexual Assault and Rape:
America - 1-800-656-4673
United Kingdom - Rape Crisis Centre - 01708-765200
                             - Female - 0808-8000-123
                             - Male - 0808-8000-122
Rape Crisis

Domestic Violence :
United Kingdom - 0345 023 468
America - 1-800-799-7233
This is Abuse

America - 1-888-554-2627
United Kingdom - 0300-123-1110
Alcohol Concern

Drug Abuse:
America - 1-800-662-4357
United Kingdom - Frank  - 0300-123-6600
Drug Penalties in the UK

If there are anymore that could be added, please don't hesitate to tell me about them and i can add them to the list.

Thank you all very much for reading. I hope this helps you and gives you the advice that you need as well as perhaps even some encouragement to get help and to go along with my eleven tips. As well as the numbers and websites above, if anyone ever needs to talk to someone you can get in touch with my through the links below.


Friday, 14 August 2015

The Month Update!

After my holiday i have returned. I'm so excited to tell you all everything that happened in the past month or so.
Starting with my holiday to New York City in America (of course). I arrived at JFK at around 9am on July 31st and honestly i did absolutely nothing for the following three days but lay in bed and watch really crap TV (sorry america but your television some how wasn't as good as i expected it to be), but after the three days of me getting over jet lag and a mild case of the flu i was up and running and explored. I went quite a few places in NYC and i can tell anyone who hasn't been that YOU HAVE TO GO. From visiting the usual local attractions such as the Empire State Building in Manhattan to the beauty that is St. Patrick's Cathedral. I did however have two areas that i wanted to visit that the last time i went (when i was 6) i wasn't all that interested in going to or even realised the existence of. Number One was of course the famous 'Central Park' i mainly wanted to go there because of my ever growing obsession with 'Friends' and also because it's such a cute area. The second place i really wanted to visit wasn't actually in New York, but in New Jersey which if i remember correctly was only about 2 hours away in the car. A lot of people have seen and heard of it, 'Carlos Bakery'. I've sort of grown up watching it on the TV in the form of Cake Boss with the head of it called 'Buddy'. But yeah those where the two places i really wanted to see and i finally got to do so and it was amazing to have that opportunity. Whilst i was away however, we did get some horrible news which caused for an early exit out of America and back into the UK. Unfortunately, my favourite uncle had a stroke one day in early August and as we were out of the country it took a while to hear about it. Our fortnight stay was reduced to just a week before we made a hasty exit to look after my uncle. Once we got home we found out that there were many more complications than just the usual stroke, he'd also had a bleed to the brain, which was the reasoning behind his stroke and at the same time had a cluster of ulcers which made it had for him to eat and well, the opposite of eat. However, i am happy to announce that he is now living with my family and I and doing fine, he recently had an endoscopy which is where they place a camera down your throat and the results are that his ulcers are clearing up and he should be back to normal in that department within a couple of weeks. We are currently looking for a bungalow near my family and i for him to live in so that we can be close to him so he has a possibility of round the clock care. Thankfully, he is now feeling much better and should if all goes to plan and his rehabilitation goes well should be back on his feet by the end of the year.
My third piece of news is so good. As you well know i applied for university back in January and i can happily announce I GOT MY GRADES and in September i will be attending my first choice of university, which was in fact Sunderland. I received a D in Sociology, a C in Media Studies and a C in English Literature which enables me to get into both of the universities i accepted. I am also happy to announce that all of my friends have been accepted into university and all will be attending whether it be next year as they have gone through deferred entry or if it's at the same time as me which is in September of this year.
My fourth piece of good news is that my brother, who is hard working and dedicated will in September be starting a full time job as LSA, which means learning support assistant. He'll be working at the local college (New College Durham) and will finally be able to quit the job that he hates; working in Tesco.
Earlier in July i got a job, which at the end of July i quit. Which to me is funny. There are reasons i quit mainly that management were arseholes and they never offered me shifts despite the fact i made myself available to them. But i got a one of payment of £40 and although it is spent i do have some kind of experience in sales now.
We successfully moved my second uncle into a disability approved bungalow where is is now comfortably living and despite the fact he has terminal Motor Neuron Syndrome he is expected to live comfortably to at least the end of the year, which is both a blessing and a curse as although he should be okay till the end of the year he's still suffering in more than one way.
I would like to say a massive thank you to everyone who has helped over the past couple of months, doctors, nurses, house help, my friends and my family. I know i haven't been the greatest help, well in fact i've been a nuisance but i do thank you and i'm deeply appreciative. I can't believe that after heaven only knows how much studying and pain myself and my friends are able to get into university and for at least the next year most of us are going to be near each other.
I couldn't ask for more helpful and considerate friends because they've helped me get through a lot this academic year, from the death of my grandmother, to the attempt at suicide my father made a few months back  (specific shout out for Joanna right there, i know you read this). I'm so grateful and if i could i'd buy each of you the world.
I do have another piece of news which i hate to actually think about. Earlier in the month whilst we were busy seeing to my uncle we received a phone call from my step-brother wanting to reach out and get back in touch with my family. The reason i don't like to think about it is down to the fact that as a person he is disgusting, for reasons i might go into on another post but he is my step-father's son and i have to go with what he wants.
Thank you all very much for reading.


Saturday, 27 June 2015


Change can occur at any time in a person's life and sometimes its easy and sometimes it's difficult to deal with. Everyone has had that one thing that they just don't want to change and it could be something as simple as they don't want to have to use a new password on their blog because they forgot their old one... that is definitely not a personal example. Okay, maybe it is. Or it could be something major like the death of a loved one and the change which results in such a tragic occurrence. The change i'm more accustomed with is more of a transitional change. Where nothing really does change accept the way you're feeling and the environment you're surrounded with.
Recently, i went on holiday with my friends from school. The people i went with mean a lot to me, we've been through all sorts of stuff both individually and as a group and we've done it together. Which, means that we have quite a strong bond, something many others don't have. My mother always tells me that a person may have a hundred friends but not one loyal to them, yet another may have only three and them all loyal. I look at my close knit and small friend circle to be like that, at least i hope it's like that. The reason i'm bringing this up is because of why we went on holiday together. As i mentioned in my last post; I'm back, i finished exams and furthermore finished school. Our holiday was an attempt to create new and better memories for when we're no longer together again, and i promise you i will definitely remember the past three days with the six greatest people in my life. From the entry of our little temporary home, which seriously at one point everyone called it home, when we saw the sign welcoming us, to the final night where i saw a lot more of my friends than i ever expected, and finally the last goodbye. It's not going to be the last goodbye obviously, we'll all see each other at least two times more before we all depart for university, but it's different somehow. That's the last time we'll be together for a long amount of time, presumably. I mean next year we might do it all again, stay in the same cabin, sleep in the same beds and laugh at the same jokes and funny faces. Take pictures in the exact same positions and see how much we've all changed in just one year, or maybe we'll forget about it. Maybe it will become a distant memory that will only come forward in our minds when we're scrolling through old photographs and see it. The picture of us all under the welcome sign smiling like we've won the lottery, the picture of us all in the cafe that sold the dream catchers and nobody liked the schmoo chocolate milkshakes, the picture of us all sat around the dining room style table bottles of vodka and cider surrounding us but we don't care that we all look tired and some of us look drunk because it's our holiday and we spent it the way we wanted to.
I wanted to write about change, because it's a big part of life, and it's something we have to learn to accept. I'm going to have to accept that i'm never going to be with my friends in the way i have been for 5+ years. I'm going to have to accept that, that chapter of my life is over now and i have to move forward because although it won't be the same i'll always have the memories of it. Every time i look at my prefect badge or my old school blazer badge, i'll remember the countless lunch times i spent joking around and making a fool of myself. The multiple accidental insults and the countless intentional insults. They'll always be there just not present.
Perhaps after everything we should just remember the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt; Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a gift; that's why they call it the present. Because after all if it wasn't for the present there would be no past, no memories and nothing to change.
Thank you all very much for reading.